Bitter Sweet Congratulations

For much of this last year today was supposed to be the day of my second marathon.  I didn’t actually make it, which is mostly a story of self-sabotage.  Yes there were some legitimate places in my calendar over the last year where training needed to go off the rails.  Most of it though was procrastination followed by lack of motivation and just plain not wanting to do it.  When I finally decided to pull the plug on the whole notion a couple of months ago I was relieved.  I felt like I had lifted a burden off of myself.  The intensity of the workouts I’d have to do and the ground I would have had to make up was truly monumental.  It was technically doable, but I wasn’t sure at what cost.  I therefore felt it was best to just let it go.

Yet this morning, when I saw my friend’s posts about getting on the line to race and then his finishing medal, I didn’t feel relieved anymore.  I felt immensely happy for him.  He not only finished but met his objective time.  Yet it also was a poignant reminder that my year of procrastination and then final abdication led me to missing my ultimate end objective of completing the medal series around this marathon.  It’s just a shame I let it get that far away from me so fast, and the results in my overall fitness show for it as well.

I could technically finish out the marathon series anyway, having missed just one medal.  I’m not sure if I care to do that though.  Right now I’m not in a place of being in great shape and needing to hit another goal, like I was last year when I planned to do my first marathon.  This year I’m very much out of shape and overfat.  Would a marathon goal be enough to motivate me or be so far removed from my reality as to seem like a mirage?  I’m torn.

In the mean time, I just have the greatest heartfelt admiration and kudos for my friend that stuck through it throughout the year and managed to hit his goals.  Hats off man!

s